Have you ever wondered where you belong? Or experienced loneliness, including the loneliness of the non-affiliated? Or said to yourself: “well, I’m on my own here!” Perhaps you have moved to a new place. Or perhaps your closest relatives and friends have passed on? Or moved away? Or you experienced a painful divorce or separation. Perhaps you have come to a new level of understanding in your life and find yourself thinking differently about important things- so you feel you have no one to talk to. Perhaps you have been discovering who you are and feel others may be shocked about “the real you”. Perhaps you feel “different” and that you just don’t fit anywhere. Perhaps you wonder if God loves you or if anyone else does. Or, perhaps you have people around but deeply miss that special someone.

To experience loneliness is a normal and natural part of living. While it is almost always difficult, and can be painful, it is not per se a bad or necessarily negative part of life. Being alone allows for growth and meeting challenges. Some who are too busy to even breathe may wish for aloneness and even loneliness. Many writers have tried to comprehend it and have even found the positive sides of loneliness. It can help us to find ourselves, and it can help us to experience God’s love for us. Yet it can also be overwhelming. It is not to be trivialized.

Throughout history loneliness has been a subject of study and speculation. Clark E Moustakas wrote a seminal book on loneliness in 1961: simply entitled Loneliness (Prentice Hall, A Spectrum Book). He said: “It takes creative courage to accept the inevitable, existential loneliness of life, to face one’s essential loneliness openly and honestly. It requires inner fortitude not to be afraid or overwhelmed with the fear….of being alone”(P. 34). In this book he discusses well known and famous people who faced what he calls existential loneliness. Antoine de Saint- Exupery (Aviator and Author of the Little Prince) faced death on a desert island. Yet, he did not die, he came to feel an aliveness, a deepening awareness and a sense of the importance of human communion that he had not known before. He said that one can not buy friendship or the beauty of the night sky, or women, or trees and flowers. He developed ” a rapturous commitment to his fellow man and within this commitment he discovered the foundation for compassion, self-fulfillment and living happiness”( Moustakas, 1961, op. 61). In 1972 Moustakas expanded his ideas on loneliness in his book Loneliness and Love where he says that periods of loneliness can inspire authenticity, honesty and more meaningful love relationships. Loneliness can bring us into meaningful contact with ourselves so we can better love others.

The author Robert S. Weiss, wrote and edited a landmark book entitled Loneliness: Emotional and Social Isolation (1973). He used classics such as “Affectional Bonds…” by John Bowlby To discuss grief work and the serious nature of loss and loneliness. Weiss points out that none of us will escape from loneliness and the keen importance yet difficulty of developing new relationships. Yet the “answer” lies in creating new relationships after loss if isolation is to be managed and for hope to expand into new lives. The importance of developing social networks beyond individual relationships is clear. Identifying our interests and becoming part of wider groups and communities related to our interests can be very helpful. Pursuing our interests also does a great deal to mitigate against loneliness.

And what of faith? Perhaps the most positive thing about loneliness is that it allows us to find and rely upon our loving God. In my own life as I experience the loneliness of the aging process (outliving many whom I have loved) and geographic distance from those closest to me I talk frequently with Jesus. More than talk, I lean upon Him and trust Him to always be there for and with me. I want to share that with others who experience any of the many types of loneliness there is. The song I learned in my youth is true: “Let us have a little talk with Jesus, Let us tell Him all about our troubles. He will hear our beck and cry, and He will answer bye and bye”. I do experience His answer- there is even the provision of new relationships and the chance to love again. And I know that, despite how it sometimes feels, I am not alone. Jesus the Christ is walking beside me and I am walking beside Jesus. I pray to follow his example in enacting love and justice. I pray to be there for others so that they know that they are not alone.

I sometimes visit a LGBTQ website and today a woman who felt cutoff from the church due to her gayness asked poignantly ( “I believe so much in Christ… Can I be baptized, my current church says I can’t as I am gay”. I quickly told her that she could indeed be baptized, that I would be happy to do it if she lived nearby and that God loves her completely . I hope she will read this reflection and feel the love of Christ in God. Another reader wrote and thanked me for my comment. May God put these words where they are most needed. And may all find communities where they are loved and accepted.

Regina Boyd has written a book entitled Leaving Loneliness Behind: Five Keys to Experiencing God’s Love and Building Healthy Connections with Others ( Ave Maria Press, 2023). There is an accompanying workbook with this enlightening book. I heartily recommend it to everyone-those who feel lonely and those who do not at this time in their lives. It provides good preparation to face life’s vicissitudes, including loneliness. I also recommend The Art Of Being Alone, Renuka Gavrani,2024. This is about transforming loneliness into solitude, a much better state of being.

I will end this reflection with a quote from the Apostle Paul who wrote to the church at Ephesus. “Brothers and sisters: You are no longer strangers and sojourners, but you are fellow citizens with the holy ones and members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the Apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the capstone….in him you also are being built together into a dwelling place of God in the Spirit” (Ephesians 2:19-22). Wow!!! We are not alone-we are the members of the HOUSEHOLD OF GOD! Thanks be to GOD!

I have been feeling lonely lately and for many of the above noted reasons. But I thank Christ Jesus for being there with me and including me in God’s HOUSEHOLD. I pray that you will find your way to our loving God too.

Blessings,

Pastor Judy Lee, RCWP

Good Shepherd Ministries, Southwest Florida, 10/28/24

I love today’s readings about justice and love in the Lectionary. Jesus tells us that he has come “to set the earth on fire! And he speaks about the divisions his teaching will possibly promote (Luke 12: 49-53). Our Christian faith is not a “mushy” faith where you believe what you like and all is always nice. Jesus asks difficult things of us- to follow him in setting the earth on fire! On fire with what? With the love of God- and with justice. Paul writing to the church at Ephesus reminds us that through faith in Christ we receive power and grounding in the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge (Ephesians 3:14-21). Our Psalm of the day reminds us that the earth is full of God’s goodness and that God loves justice and right (Psalm 33:1-19).

And so we ask ourselves today: what are the issues of our times and in our lives that must be solved with justice and love? Well, we know that God places a priority on the loving the poor of this earth. And this can only mean that we must act to ensure that the poor are poor no more! This is not answered by simply giving alms in the collection plate. How, indeed do we address structural poverty in our societies and cultures. How can we identify it and remedy it? What about raising minimum wage so that all labor is justly rewarded? What about making clear our views of the poor and of poverty-and eliminating all blaming of the poor for poverty. What about willingness to share our wealth through the tax system instead of rewarding the rich who need no reward simply for being rich. What about working side by side with those who work for a meager living and exposing the inequities of pay? I’m sure you can think of many ways to promote the equality and justice for which Jesus stands.

And what of dealing with our prejudices against people of other cultures that we do not know or understand? I have found that learning the beauty of other cultures stretches us in Jesus’ direction. How blessed we are when we strive to make both our lives and our churches steeped in people of other cultures.

I will leave it to you to identify issues of injustice and ignorance of others yet somehow judging that which we do not know. I will leave it to you now to follow Jesus in setting the world on fire with truth and justice and love.

Love and blessings,

Pastor Judy Lee, Roman Catholic Woman Priest

Good Shepherd Ministries of SW Florida

10/24/24